Cooter! 2012
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  Yeah, but you have to pee ON stuff. If you pee on the ground everyone thinks you have no legs. Seriously, if you want respect, pee as high as you can on the tire of your car- better yet, pee on the fender, drive everyone crazy with jealousy. Then, everyone will look at you and say, "now, that guy's a dog." |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  I'm extremely sorry, clearly I misunderstood your meaning, I didn't realize you were tying your shoe. Among my people that posture is known as the "come hither pose"; I understand now and won't make that mistake again. |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  OK, tell you what, you go ahead and play farmer Brown and let the left overs "go fer" the chickens, and I'll play Sammy Squirrel and "go fer" your nuts. |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  This is me being you: blah blah blah, Cooter, blah blah the neighbor's garbage can, blah blah blah leg humper, blah blah egg sucking hound, blah blah blah... |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  You call it singing, I call it the sound the Pontiac made just before it punked mom. |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  Yeah, I spwained it twying to wick bacon gweese off my eyebwow. |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  That's very good for such a little nose! Yes, I did dig up something ripe and stinky which I buried last summer. Now, for full points, what was it? |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  Snow? No, I choose to think of it as slow white rain. |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  "Squirrel jerky" my butt, this is taffy! |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  Do what I do when I have that problem, just close your eyes, find your center and say "colon relax, peach pit pass, colon relax..." It isn't fun but eventually you'll be done and handing out cigars. |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  You can't hear, have no sense of smell, can't see shit even in the day time, and I should take YOUR word for it that "it's nothing shut up and to go sleep?" |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  I tried to go for a walk but I started to take on water and had to come back. |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  I found it in the canyon. It's the badly decayed ribcage of a deer; what do you mean "oh, thank God, there's a hoof attached." |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  Exactly what does that mean, "I think I'll let the kids play with this picture a little"? |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  Your calendar might say February, but my tongue says May. |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  Look, yes, I do have a sense of smell 10,000 times stronger than you, and yes, I can smell food through a foot of dirt, but throwing a hand full of bacon crumbles into the snow is just being an asshole. |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  OK, I get it now, you aren't crazy, you're actually talking to someone else on that little gadget, someone who isn't here instead of me who is standing right in front of you. You aren't nuts, you're just rude. Is that it? |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  Wrong! "Dog Day Afternoon." Still my turn: 1997, De Niro and Hoffman. Wrong! "Wag the Dog". Still my turn, 1959, Fred MacMurry and Annette Funicello... |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  Mittens? How cute! Go ahead, try to do something with them on. Ha! Now you're in my world, pal. |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  See, no matter how fast I whirl around, my tail manages to jump out of the way just in time, as though my ass knows what my head is thinking! This is how I see human politics. |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  I suppose I'm wondering why it doesn't put itself away, you're so dexterous and all. |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  That's right, they're dog's farts, and it's going to keep happening if you keep feeding me cabbage. |
