| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  So, the snake talked Spot, the first dog, into snagging that steak off God's table, and BAM, we were out of the Garden of Eden. Fortunately, a few minutes later you guys came running out with your hands over your privates, and we've been best friends ever since. |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  Snowing? No, it's not snowing, this is a bad case of mange. No, it's cocaine, that's it, I've been snorting cocaine. Wait! It's flour! I baked you something special, follow me, it's right over here, it's probably still steaming... |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  The secret of good health is no secret: the right foods properly aged, plenty of natural fiber either goat or goose, clean water, hours of running wild, and a clear conscience. |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  You went to all the trouble to get it out, and then you completely missed the tree. |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  It might be water this spring, but right now my feet are cold and snow sucks. |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  You think I stink? My sense of smell is 1,000 times stronger than yours. I can smell you comin' when you leave town. |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  Yeah, Dotty's my good old Valentine. |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  Dead rat on the porch? Can you describe it? |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  She insists I sniff test positive for bacon grease. Will you please tell her I didn't get bacon grease? It has to be her sniffer, it sure isn't my... |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  Then, I says, "Bobcat my ass" and the next thing you know I'm running to save my ass from a bobcat. |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  I chased the coyote into the canyon and caught him but he cried for peace, and so we sniffed each other and ate some mushrooms and sat and talked about the time before humans became dependent on the dog, when we, too ran free. |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  You might think so, but actually frozen goose turds are quite good, soft yet crunchy, almost like meringue. |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  O.K, throw the bone, I'll catch it. Throw the bone. Oh, a fake out! What a clever Master! Ok, please now, throw the bone. You actually find this amusing? My people do bite, you know, throw the bone! |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  You waste so much effort pushing snow out of the way. I go right over the top, but then I don't have a butt that looks like two saint bernards fighting. |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  Well, if you aren't my real dad, who is? |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  But, for God's sake, why cats? Why do they need nine lives, they never do anything! It isn't fair, dogs should have nine lives, I could burn through nine lives with no problem. |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  Among my people there is a legend, that one day a dog would come who would free us from the two legs, and we would know he was truly the one because he would carry that most precious of things: a can opener that you don't need thumbs to operate. |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  Come on, Huff'n'Puff! Put a little wiggle in your waddle! The scent's getting cold, can't you tell... Oh, that's right. Well, come on, that's a good rolypoly master, here boy! Come on! What a good boy! Yes you are! Come on! Don't fall down! |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  I'm saying one night, just one night where you'll be able to hear all the animals that cough and howl and sneak around in the dark and I'll learn how it is to sleep in a soft bed only a few steps from a refridgerator. Are you saying you can't do one night under the steps? One lousy night? |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  No, I don't mind the ice in my beard hairs so much, it's the ice in the hair at the other end of my kibble tube I don't like. |
 What do I wish for the new year? The best of everything, slow squirrels, that dog food that makes its own gravy, smelly girlfriends, and you as my master. |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  It takes THUMBS to ride it? What a fetish your kind has with thumbs. You know, superior species get along fine without them. |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  ...so, yes, you could just turn around and go inside, forgetting the little doggie and his happy request for a treat, but ask yourself, is Santa watching? |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  It's big, clumsy, and smells like hell; clearly it's one of yours. |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  Well, for example, we could sleep on your feet, and keep them warm, and if a burglar came we’d be inside, and he’d be afraid to come in, and if there is a fire, we could wake you up, "woof master, woof, there’s a fire, wake up." |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  Again, I'm sorry, and I completely understand now, it's one thing to follow a hen around until she lays an egg, but something altogether different to suck the egg directly from the chicken. |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  Who let the dogs out, woof, woof woof woof, who let the dogs out, woof... |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  By Golly, Old Man, you were right, that was some pretty spicy chili. |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  A SNOWBALL? Dude, I don't even have hands! How is that fair? |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  This is Dotty. She's my bitch. |
| Cooter Dog He's a good boy!  Shock collar? Are you sure it isn’t illegal, not in the Geneva Convention or anywhere? You’re absolutely sure, because, I couldn’t live with myself if I got you in trouble for cruelty. |
Newer Cooters are HERE
