LA Condom Law

New Job Opportunities May Open for Sierra County:
L.A. Slaps a Sleeping Bag on Porn Industry 022212

News, analysis and potty talk from the Fringe

Los Angeles has long been U.S. capital of pornography, producing top quality adult entertainment just down the road from Disney.  That’s about to change.

Starting early March, pornsters in L.A. will have to wear a gummy while on scene.  A new law requires condoms for all acts which could pass sexually transmitted diseases. 

This government intervention into a personal act has the pornography industry responding with outrage.  One big complaint: it will be bad for business. Customers react very poorly to porn stars who pause in the midst of uncontrollable passion to roll a cap on, or to porn stars who use a dental rubber dam to perform oral sex, and they prefer to see porn stars go bareback; at least this is what studies show, and we can easily imagine it’s true. Top porn producers and directors already have to contend with mom-and-pop porn operators who can cheaply make porn films and distribute them by streaming on the internet.  It turns out that male and female genitalia are extremely common, probably because they’re even easier to carry than cell phones.  Top quality porn also features female breasts; experts estimate that about half the population have such breasts.  Since pornographic movies aren’t very dependent on plot or dialogue, no writers are needed, and all mom and pop have to do is set up the camera and have some great anger sex.  It’s also possible that couples who film their gymnastics for the camera don’t have to observe the law, something that would give home based producers in L.A. an advantage.

Driving this all, of course, are people who want to do good.  Anti-HIV activists, many of them with grant money, have pushed the envelope on government interdiction, saying they are concerned about the high rate of HIV in the porn industry.  Further, if porn stars would accept latex on set, it might encourage viewers to accept the use of condoms.  Lives could be saved; something which is otherwise yucky and gross could be turned to doing good.  It’s a win-win-win-lose situation.  The activists have, so far, stopped short of insisting that porn stars having unprotected sex sends the wrong message to children.

This might be a shot in the arm to Sierra County.  Perhaps the Board of Supervisors should declare Sierra County “condom free” and use the motto: “where the rubber meets the road”.  It’s possible the Golden West might rent rooms again.  There might be a demand for farm animals.  The Lakes Basin might get exposure if used as a backdrop to a passionate love scene, doggy style.  Who knows, people in the cities might forget about fishing and decide to come up into the mountains for some great high-altitude semi-hypoxia sex.  If nothing else, with a condom ban the county might enjoy a resurgence of children, reducing the average age of residents, which is currently about 66.

The porn industry is likely to torpedo our efforts, though, because they have money and they are going to sue. The industry generates about $4 billion a year, employing about 15,000 workers. This translates to legal power. They will also rally free speech and free sexuality advocates, and thousands of viewers, who know very well that a hat may save your life, but it makes for second rate sex. 

The industry notes that pro porn performers are tested for STDs every 30 days.  They claim it’s been over 8 years since the last verified case of HIV originating in the industry.  In addition, most producers leave the choice of using either a male or female condom to the actors, since it’s the choice any of us have when so engaged. 

Likely, the condom law is going to blow over and porn will remain King in L.A.

Guess we’d better go back to praying for the cogen plant.