A Warning to Cows: Stay

A warning to cows and those who love them: Stay Out of Sacramento

By now nearly everyone in Cowdom has heard about the incident at the Sacramento State Fair in which a heavily pregnant cow was gunned down by cops.

The cow, due for delivery any minute, slipped away from attendants and began to wander the fair.  Attendants included a veterinarian, Dr. David Wilson, Director of Veterinarian Teaching Hospital at U.C. Davis, and supervising vet Ben Norman, who made the decision to kill the cow.  

By most reports, the cow, a Holstein of modest size, first wandered about, perhaps looking for a quiet place to drop her calf.  Then as attendants began to chase her, she, understandably, started to get pissed.  After being chased with an SUV, she decided to use a little of her 1200 lbs, and according to some reports, knocked a cop over.
After watching hundreds of hours of “COPS” we can tell you she was a dead cow when the cop went down.  Officially, it took a little longer for that eventually to develop, as a couple of bungled attempts with a tranquilizer gun were needed before she was properly tired of it and began to get tough.

That’s when the cops made eleven guesses about where you might shoot a cow to kill it before the cow was “euthanized” on the eleventh round.   The cow’s bloody, agonizing death was videotaped by a fair participant.  

Supervising veterinarian Ben Norman said of the cow, "I think she's a nutcase."  We now wonder if, in his professional opinion, the cattle at U.C. Davis suffer from mad cow disease?

He is further quoted as saying, "She wasn't predictable … also, she's a little mean."  
This was astonishing to the vet, who must assume that heavily pregnant cows, like all heavily pregnant mammals, are docile and easy going, not given to anger when being chased by an SUV.

It didn’t seem to occur to anyone to stop chasing the cow, and to reduce the number of people dealing with her to one.  It doesn’t seem anyone had a rope or halter, or an 8 year old 4H kid with some grain.  

What is the lesson here, cows and cowfolk?  Stay out of Sacramento, they don’t understand you there.

In order to promote more effective law enforcement, the Prospect makes this cow target available to all cops.

Cows With Guns
Copyright Dana Lyons

Fat and docile, big and dumb
They look so stupid, they aren't much fun
Cows aren't fun

They eat to grow, they grow to die
They die to be et at the hamburger fry
Cows well done

Nobody thunk it, nobody knew
No one imagined the great cow guru
Cows are one

He hid in the forest, read books with great zeal
He loved Che Guevera, a revolutionary veal
Cow Tse Tongue

He spoke about justice, but nobody stirred
He felt like an outcast, alone, in the herd.
Cow doldrums

He mooed we must fight, escape or we'll die
Cows gathered around, cause the stakes were so high
Bad cow pun

But then he was captured, stuffed into a crate
Loaded onto a truck, where he rode to his fate
Cows are bummed

He was a scrawny calf, who looked rather woozy
No one suspected he was packing Uzi
Cows with guns

They came with a needle to stick in his thigh
He kicked for the groin, he pissed in their eye
Cow well hung

Knocked over a tractor and ran for the door
Six gallons of gas flowed out on the floor
Run cows run!

He picked up a bullhorn and jumped up on the hay
We are free roving bovines, we run free today

We will fight for bovine freedom
And hold our large heads high
We will run free with the Buffalo, or die...
Cows with guns

They crashed the gate in a great stampede
Tipped over a milk truck, torched all the feed
Cows have fun

Sixty police cars were piled in a heap
Covered in cow pies, covered up deep
Much cow dung

Black smoke rising, darkening the day
Twelve burning McDonalds, have it your way

We will fight for bovine freedom
And hold our large heads high
We will run free with the Buffalo, or die
Cows with guns

The President said "Enough is Enough!
These uppity cattle, its time to get tough"
Cow dung flung

The newspapers gloated, folks sighed with relief
Tomorrow at noon, they would all be ground beef
Cows on buns

The cows were surrounded, they waited and prayed
They mooed their last moos,
they chewed their last hay
Cows out gunned

The order was given, turn cows to whoppers
Enforced by the might of ten thousand coppers
But on the horizon, surrounding the shoppers
Came the deafening roar, of chickens, in choppers!

We will fight for bovine freedom
And hold our large heads high
We will run free with the Buffalo, or die
Cows with guns
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