Meg ‘n’ Jerry
By Fringe Editor Freakin’ D.
The Major Media (backed up by General Opinion and Colonel O’Corn) has already announced the gubernatorial race in California, and it’s between Meg Whitman and Jerry Brown. Of course, frequent Prospect readers already know this because I’ve already bitched about the fact.
This is a race which, from the start, is without news value beyond "has it really come to this?" Just when it seemed all was lost for California, we have a race for governor in which both front runners are also-rans.
Here are our options.
Jerry Brown, you know, since he’s done nothing his entire life but hang around Sacramento.
Jerry has become the poster child for what the ravages of age can do to your physical appearance, your mental acuity, and your political ideals.
Jerry, back when he was a "new face," and now.
There is no explanation I can think of for the Dems to run Jerry Brown. He can hardly run on his experience as governor from fifty years ago, and even then he was a completely "meh" governor. He’s been busy in a couple of public offices, most recently as "California’s Top Cop." What makes him think we want a cop for governor, and anyway, we just had the Terminator, how is he going to touch that?
At a time when we need creative ideas, the Dems bring out a hoary old Moonbeam.
Meg Whitman: Find it cheaper on Ecalifornia!
Meg Whitman intends to "clean up the mess those politicians have made in Sacramento."
Meg is going to clean up, Hazel style.
Meg Whitman has political credentials very similar to those of Jerry Brown in that in the late 90s she was head of marketing for Mr. Potatohead © all rights reserved by Playskool © which can’t spell "school" but makes toys for kidz.
Mr. Potatohead is 58 years old this year, incidentally.
Mr. Potatohead: "Meg was the Boss from Hell."
Image from the movie "Toy Story" copyright someone or another.
The Spud himself is owned by Hasbro.
Ms. Whitman took Ebay from a paltry $4 million a year to $8 billion in just 10 years. If California was a business, she would be a hands-down winner. But state government isn’t a business. Some say it is, but they’re wrong. Do you want Donald Trump as governor? See?
Meg. Whitman makes it hard to get photos from her website, so we chose this really terrible photo of her from The First Amendment Coaltion
All in all, the race between Whitman and Brown is looking more and more like a plot by Arnold Schwarzenegger to do two things: 1. Cement him in living memory as the best governor California ever had (not an easy task) and 2. Get Abel Maldonaldo elected governor in 2012.
Arnie and Abel. We forget where get got this photo, sorry.
All we can say is, God Help Us, Every One.